This morning on the news, a few teachers were being interviewed (there is an article about this in Time magazine this month). They were venting their frustrations on dealing with parents. In recent years, parents have been encouraged to take an active role in a child's academics. However, some parents have gone overboard and constantly are after teachers to give their child an "A", what extra-credit can their child do to get an "A", what will it take to get an "A", etc., etc. These teachers were so frustrated and have considered other career options because of this one aspect of teaching. I know for me, this was one issue I had to come to terms with before I entered the education program. I am frankly afraid of confrontations with parents. All the teachers I've talked to that I have encountered lately have said, "You have to develop a tough skin". I don't know how easy that is. However, what if a parent won't listen when it comes to the needs of their child? Some parents, according to these teachers, are bent on sending their child to an Ivy League school at any cost. But these teachers have argued that that might not be the best thing.
Any ideas or thoughts on this? I still cringe at the thought of dealing with an angry parent. Some of the teachers interviewed commented on how the parents went to the school board to get them fired because they wouldn't "give their child an 'A'". This would honestly be a nightmare for me because not only do I not like confrontation, but having an entire school board angry at me for just trying to do my job is mind-boggling.

I think that it is unfair to say that you will develop tough skin! It seems to me the only problem you will have with parents is if they feel that they can push you around. I think you should take a firm stand in the classroom but still value opinions from others. Parents are difficult because they never want to think that something could be their child's fault (like he/she could have studied harder for a test) rather than come yelling at the teacher for extra credit. Hopefully you will be in a supportive school environment and it seems unlikely to get fired over not "giving" a child an A. It is a scary thought but I think that you have the child's best interest at heart and that is what's important.

Parents come in the same variety as your students. You will have some who are AIG and others who are EC. Teachers need to use the same approach with parents that they do with the student. The teacher must show that they have the child’s best interest in mind and want them to achieve their potential. Most parents won’t argue with this logic. But in case they do, make sure you have documentation for the grade. Another important item to have is the support of the administration. In the end I have to agree with Amber, you have to make a stand.

Ahhh...parents.
I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I was the director of a teen program at a summer camp for 3 years. Although I wasn't telling parents that their child was failing or doing poorly or whatever, I was having conferences with parents and telling them their child was fighting/cussing/etc. A lot of parents assume that misbehaving/failing is the fault of the teacher and no one elses. I think that as long as you contact the parents as soon as you see a pattern developing, you're safer than if you wait until the student has more severe problems. Keeping the lines of communication open is very important, as well as being straightforward. You can't beat around the bush with these parents, you have to tell them right away exactly what is going on. That is always what worked best for me. Parents are often apt to saying "what? my Johnny wouldn't do that!" and that's when I reply, "well, I hate to say it, but he did".
And I think Janet says it best by saying that you need to have the support of the administration as well as documentation. Also, parents need the reassurance that as long as the teachers, parents and student work together, there is still many opportunities to succeed - one bad grade isn't the end of the world.
I really want to read this article in Time magazine now!

I can't help but feel that the bigger problem is parents who are NOT involved in their childrens' education and don't really care what the teacher does. Yes, parents can be overinvolved and children can be spoiled, but this is a feature of that upper crust social class we were talking about last week. I think teachers that I work with struggle more with the parents that won't come for conferences, won't sign forms, etc. I'd be more worried about them and when it comes to parents who want to be included in the child's education, try to make friends with them and get them on your side from the outset. They're the ones who will sponsor teams and chaperone field trips. We need them.

that's a really good point! i didn't think about that.

You all should read this awesome book! Our CI-3000 teacher introduced our class to it this week. I havn't read the whole thing yet, but it's great and I think it would be beneficial for everyone going in to education.

The Essential Conversation: Sara Lawerence-Lightfoot

"Fisher Professor Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot recently published The Essential Conversation: What Parents and Teachers Can Learn From Each Other, which focuses on the text and subtext, the substance and the symbolism of the much-dreaded parent-teacher conferences and offers lessons about how to make them more productive for both parties." Carol P Choy

Parents in my opinion are a unique group. I can't say much because I am not yet a parent, but I have seen how my mother handles parents in her classroom. One thing that she does is have a running journal/notebook with the parent. If the parent has a question or comment for her or visa versa, they just use the notebook to communicate what they desire. However, I noticed through one student that this caused some confusion because of miscommunication between the student and parent. This caused the parent to become slightly irrate. However, my mother talked with the student and got the correct meaning and understanding and called the parent to smooth things over. I said all of this to say that communication and frequent communication is important and vital. A parent needs to know early how you handle your classroom and it would be helpful to have short conferences with each parent/guardian at the beginning of the school year so they will have a basic understanding on how you will run your classroom and what to expect from you.

This is a topic that has been talked about a lot lately, and I feel that even though a few parents can be extremely hard to deal with, it is just something that we have to expect. It is the way that we handle it that will make confrontations easier. I believe that when dealing with parents, we should let them tell us their frustrations and opinions before we can truly deal with a problem. Also, if we show that we love their child and that we expect the same out of every student, then they cannot have too much to complain about. Think about it, if we pour out our love and care for the students and show that we are doing our best to make learning a fun and meaningful experience, then what would the parents have to complain about. So what if a child does not make an A. Grades do not matter really. What matters is the growth each individual student is making.

Unfortunately we will all probably have to deal with a couple of parents that are like this at some point or another during our careers. Hopefully, if it happens we all will be able to deal with it in a manner that is professional. There are always some bad apples (parents) out there. These people I think are unable to accept the truth that maybe thier kid made a mistake and did'nt try hard enough or they did their best and a B grade was the best that theycould do, we've all be there. Theres noshame in trying your best and making a B grade. Sometimes parents can get carried away and overlook what might be best for the child.

This is why it is so important to get in good with the parents from the very beginning. Having parent-teacher-student conferences in the first week of school can create a good relationship between the three and set the stage for the rest of the year. Also, parents of this sort have been around since the beginning of compulsory education and will continue to be around. We, as teachers, need to learn to deal with it and prepare ourselves as best we can for when a conflict arises. We cant give up just because of one obstacle. We need to look our for what is best for our students, and if that means getting fired, then so be it; we will be better people for it in the long run.

This may be a topic for a new thread, but what about teachers making home visits? There was a time fifty years ago when teachers went to home and talked to parents there. I've worked in the health department in a job that involved home visits and found out FAST that you can learn a lot when you see where someone eats and sleeps. I'm not talking about taking risks in unsafe neighborhoods or going somewhere where you KNOW you wouldn't be welcome, but making that early eye-to-eye contact with parents that form the foundation of a relationship that can carry you through a kid saying to the parent "We didn't have any homework" and to the teacher "My mama told me I didn't have to do this assignment."

We have been dealing with this issue in a lot of my classes lately too and one of the things that my professor stress is to keep an open line of communication with the parents from the very beginning. She suggested contacting the parents at the begging of the school year and continue to give them feedback as the semester progresses. That way the parent knows who there child is doing and wont be asking at the end of the semester how to improver their child’s grade. She also stressed documentation so incase you do have a run in with a parent you have dated factual evidence to back you up. Hope this helps everyone I know it made good since to me.

Excellent point, you who mentioned documentation. I think keeping copies of student write-ups handy would also be a good idea, and obviously good rapport with the administration would help when dealing with touchy parents. If you are known to be a person of integrity and your coworkers can back you up, parents may be less prone to blaming we the teachers for all of the flaws. Not that they still won't, but it will certainly help. Since I'll be teaching art, I have to wonder just how much communicating with parents I'll be doing. The arts are not core-curriculum and not necessary for graduating highschool, so I'm not certain how many parents I will run into who will be adamant that their child succeed in art class. I dont really know yet..I'll have to wait and see when I start teaching. However, I recall my art teacher in high school calling my parents monthly to tell them how I was doing and the progress I was making. Giving positive progress phonecalls to parents at least once a month seems to build trust between teachers and parents.

To add a little humor to the discussion , I am a parent with a 10th grader and a 6th grader and I work in a high school. Often, I tell my co-workers that if I begin to act like the parents who make us cringe to give me a reality check. When dealing with my daughter's teachers, I try to act like a concerned mother and not an irrate mother. However, some of the worst parents I've dealt with have been in education.

It's probably understanding that that is the case taht edcational parents are the worse. Is that because they think they know what should be going on? Or that there kid is better because they are teaching in the system? In any care caring and rationale should always be the way, never ever should you raise your voice. It could only cut off on going negotiations.

I had another thought on this: is it a good idea to "visit" parents at the beginning of the school year? I've flipped through the book "Essential 55" and this teacher made it a point to go out and visit the parents of the students he was teaching. Though time consuming, he seemed to think it was well worth the effort. I think I agree. I once worked with a teacher who had such a strong rapport with the parents of her students, that all she ever had to do (at least while I was working with her) was threaten the students with a phone call and there was immediate improvement in behavior. She did have to call a child's parents once, but the problem never returned when the student was back in this teacher's class. I think I might approach parents that way: open the lines of communication early and clearly.

My mom is a second grade school teacher at a public school. She continues to warn me about parents. For her, they are the biggest obstacle for her. She has so many studnets who are practically being raised by their grandparents. When the parents do come in it is only to voice a concen about the quality of education. There are some parents who do not care enough to even come to the scheduled conferences. I think that dealing with parents will be one of the most difficult issues for me when I begin teaching.