Last night three very special girls died in a fire. One of them was in my first grade class last year where I was a teaching assistant. I talked to the school today and to my friends and they said it is awful. There is nothing else they can use to describe it. Their school day has been full of psychologists, counselors and confused kids. I am subbing Monday and have already been told that there will be much more time spent on the girls. My question, and I know it is simple in the asking, is what do you do? What can you say? When I found out today I was so glad I was by myself because I broke down. Where does the strength come from to stay strong for your class? How do you put yourself aside so you can tend to the hurt ones you are in charge of?

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. Like you said, it is awful. Last week my highschool lost the student body president to a tragic accident on a zip line, he was the sixth student to die from our highschool in the past calander year, so I sortof understand what you are dealing with. Any accident involving youth is tragic, but it is multiplied when the person is close to us. As teachers I think our job is to give our students a place to talk; either as an individual or in a group. It is important to remember that what these kids are going through is much more important than whatever lesson you had planned for the day. However it is equally important to keep life as normal as possible, a hard and tricky balance. Whatever you do and say, just remember to give lots of hugs and do your best to remain calm.

As easy as it is for me to say all this, I know it will be impossible. Good luck on Monday and Im sure I speak for the whole class when I say our thoughts are with you. I truely am sorry.

Jennifer, I heard about this horrific tragedy this morning at church. It is definitely heartbreaking, and even more so I know when you are directly involved in the situation. That family, you, and the students who will have so many 'unanswerable' questions are in my prayers.

I think as you are dealing with these students this coming week, just be open to the questions they may have. Allow them to express how they are feeling, and let them know that some times things in life happen and there is no explanation as to why right now.

I personally believe in a God that will work all things for good!
And I hope that you are able to bring comfort to these kids during this time!

Jennifer,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and the students during this difficult time.

I think in dealing with this, I agree with the other girls...be there and be willing to listen, and explain to them that some things happen in life that no one can find an explanation for. Be open to what they have to say and just pray for these children and the family as they go through this very difficult time.

Good luck to you Monday, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. God will guide you through!

this is the hardest situation any teacher will ever face. i don't have children, but i imagine it is similar to how it would feel to lose a child. when i was a senior in high school i interned with a kindergarten class. one day, i got up to go to the elementary school just like always, when my teacher called to tell me that a little boy from the class had been hit and killed by a car the afternoon before. it was all the life sucked out of me in an instant. i went to the class that day and the kids were so confused...5 years old and they had no idea they would never see dontrik again. all the kids wrote a note to him and a parent took the notes to a party supplier store and had them each put into a balloon. she brought the balloons back to the school and each child got a balloon to let go into the air so they could send this little boy their notes to heaven. it was beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time.

jennifer--i hope today went ok for you and your class. this is an experience you will remember forever.

Jennifer, I hope your day went well. After reading this I began wondering if I was in your shape how would I have faced this situation, but the more I think about it I draw blanks. I really feel like until you are faced with this problem it is hard to understand how you would act or what you would do. However, I would hope that I would be strong and encouraging for my students. I feel like we play a huge role in students’ lives and for many students we are the ones they look to for help and comfort. A way to have started the day would have been to ask students if they need to talk about the situation. I feel addressing the situation is the best thing instead of hiding or dodging the problem. At least this way students are able to talk about their feelings instead of keeping them balled up inside. Also, just letting students know that you are there for them can be a huge help for students that are going through problems. As to where do we gain strength, I think the best way to answer this is from our students. We have to be strong for our students, no matter how bad we hurt inside.

Jennifer, I got to your post a little late, but was wondering how it went with subing on Monday. I hope that things went well.

I live about 4 mins away from the apartment complex and I heard the sirens and ambulances that night. I just prayed that nothing bad had happened. My mother told me the next morning that she seen it on the news. Like you said there is nothing else to describe it execpt for awful. My thoughts and prayers are still to that family and the other families that lived in the apartment complex that must find another place to live.

If I was in your situation for teaching, I would just try to explain best that I could what happened in the accident. I would comfort and be understanding with the children. I agree with Lisa also. That you have to keep life as normal as possible also. She said it was a trickey balance, and I believe it would be.

I hope everything went well and please keep up updated on things!

Hi Kelly,

I just wanted to add that I hope you don't feel you shouldn't cry. Sadness and tears can be a form of strength, too. You are helping your kids learn to accept and deal with sadness when you show them the depth of your own emotion. When you come back to class on Thursday I hope we can talk about this.

All the best...

Guidelines for Elementary School Teachers: Helping Children Cope

Children, like many people, may be confused or frightened by the news and will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react. Parents and school personnel can help children cope first and foremost by establishing a sense of safety and security. As potential teachers, we can continue to help children work through their emotions.

Here are 10 suggestions what teachers can do: (elementary education).
1. Model calm and control emotional cues, avoid appearing anxious or frightened.
2. Reassure children that they are safe and so are the other important adults in their lives.
3. Explain that the government emergency workers, police, firefighters, doctors, and the military are helping people who are hurt and are working to ensure that no further tragedies occur.
4. Let children know that it is okay to feel upset. Explain that all feelings are okay when a tragedy like this occurs. Let children talk about their feelings and help put them into perspective. Even anger is okay, but children may need help and patience from adults to assist them in
expressing these feelings appropriately.
5. Observe children’s emotional state. Depending on their age, children may not express their concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can also indicate a child’s level of grief, anxiety or discomfort. Children will express their emotions differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel or express grief.
6. Look for children at greater risk. Children who have had a past traumatic experience or personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness, or with special needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others.
7. Tell children the truth. Don’t try to pretend the event has not occurred or that it is not serious. Children are smart. They will be more worried if they think you are too afraid to tell them what is happening.
8. Stick to the facts. Don’t embellish or speculate about what has happened and what might happen. Don’t dwell on the scale or scope of the tragedy, particularly with young children.
9. Keep explanations developmentally appropriate. Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that the daily structures of their lives will not change. For all children, encourage them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings. Be a good listener!
10. Monitor your own stress level. Talking to friends, family members, religious leaders, and mental health counselors can help. It is okay to let your children know that you are sad, but that you believe things will get better. You will be better able to support your children if you can express your own emotions in a productive manner. Get appropriate sleep, nutrition, and exercise.

The National Association of School Psychologists
American Psychological Association