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 Parents, AAAAAH! 
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Joined: Thu Jan 16, 2003 7:05 pm
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Location: S. Ray Lowder, Lincoln County
I know this isn't directly related to any readings, but I was reading over the posts this morning and some things came to mind. I love teaching and I love children, but their parents can be so frustrating at times. I understand that more often than not parents will raise their children they way they were raised because that is all they know. I understand how difficult being a parent is, I am one. However I just don't get some of the neglect and psychological abuse that goes on in some of these children's homes. I have students who come to school dirty, smelly, and I just don't get it. I realize that most of my children come from poor homes, but being clean is not expensive. Also how hard is it to look in a child's bookbag each day? Make sure they have a regular early bedtime? Somehow I thought when I had my own child I would begin to understand better, but it just makes me even more angry. Sadly enough, these children probably don't even realize things shouldn't be this way.

About 1 week ago a parent of one of my students was arrested. He was getting a gun from a neighbor in exchange for something, probably drugs, and the police were observing the whole incident from the woods. I am assuming this was a set up. But the child watched her dad get thrown to the ground and handcuffed. He is still in jail and she is bouncing off the walls at school. How can parents deal drugs out of their home and have children who they are suppose to be role models for? Sorry I had to vent! But somebody please try and help me understand! Even parents who grew up in unhealthy households should know enough to provide their child with the basics. :x :x :x


Wed Mar 12, 2003 6:39 am
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Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2003 9:13 am
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Sherrie, I don't know what the answer is. It seems to get worse each and every year. Parents don't want to take time to work with their child. I hear this, "I work all day and I'm tired. You're the teacher. It's your job to teach them". I would just like to choke them!! I think parents need to attend a parent workshop at the beginning of each school year. The teachers will show the parents how to work with their child, what the expectations are, how to-I hate to say it- control or discipline their child. I'm not saying beat them. I mean to show them that their child doesn't control the house- the parents are the authority. I hear too many children telling the parents what they are going to do.

I wish there were some magical cure. Let me know if you find one.

DANA


Wed Mar 12, 2003 7:50 pm
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Here is my gripe this week - I have a child who messes in his pants at least three times a week. I teach first grade. I know this doesn't really have anything to with parents, well maybe it does. His parents think he does no wrong! (He lies about things that he does at school and his parents write me notes that say they really want to believe him this time. His dad and mom have sat in our class on several different occasions for hours each time. I'm sure they are trying to find out if I'm being unfair to their precious little boy. He tells them that he is bored at school.) There is no physical reason for this problem. As far as I know, he seems to have a good home life. His parents seem to over-indulge in him. He has permission to go to the bathroom at any time during the day as long as her tells me he is leaving the room. So what is the deal?


Wed Mar 12, 2003 11:52 pm
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i had a child just like this. the parents seemed to be concerned about the accidents. they happened 3 then four or more times a week and finally daily. i got the school nurse to review med. history with the mom. he went to the doctor for tests and no medical reason was found. there is a specific term for this behavior in the DSM ( medical/psychological manuals). your child has some major unresolved emotional issues and this is the way he is manifesting it.
suggestions:
1) try not to be mad the the kid. it is disgusting and nasty and a pain but he is disturbed and your reaction will make him do it more.
2) talk privately with either parent who seems to be more supportive. express your concern and suggest a talk with your school nurse and a visit to his pediatrican for a check up.
3) chances are nothing will be found. tell the parents thank goodness he is physically ok. and ask THEM what step they think would be good to take next. ( put the ball in their court).if they say nothing then do nothing for a few days but each time it happens write a note home saying"Oh gosh. it happened again. What shall we do? " eventually they will be tired of being asked to solve their own problem. they may even ask you what to do.
4) your answer is gee, i think this calls for someone with more experience in this area. let me see if i can find a child therapist who might help you.
contact your school psychologist and get a reference on a person who deals well with children. tell the parents you are so excited you found a name. give them the phone number and let them make the next move.
5) continue to make your interaction with the parents very positive and helpful always asking them what they want to do. they will eventually come around to dealing with it.

p.s. in my case the child's family was not what they seemed to be and the father's hidden alcoholism was at the root of it. eventually the mom got some help for the child and was able to become strong enough to help herself. good luck. this is very delicate. remember you are a resource but not responsible for solving the problem.


Thu Mar 13, 2003 9:41 pm
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