The threads on obedience have been making me think about two experiences that stand out in my life as "defining." They are not of the same kind, however, and because of this I look back on them to help me identify the shifts and changes I've gone through. I share this in the hopes that others can remember similar experiences and that we can figure some things out by reflecting on them.

First Experience: At the end of 5th grade, I got an award from my elementary school for being the "Most Outstanding Male Student." Prior to the awards ceremony that day, I didn't even know that this, and the corresponding "Most Outstanding Female Student" award, existed. But I was so, so proud that I'd earned it (in large part, I think, because of how happy it made my mom). Picture this--in elementary school and on into middle school I was this darling angel of a child who could do no wrong and always got straight A's, had great friends, respect and admiration from my teachers and peers, safety patrol and the "gifted" class, sports teams, spelling bees (I almost won for the school but I misspelled "mackerel" and lost to Sean whatever-his-name-was...never forgave him). My parents thought they had the perfect kid--and they did. I put enormous pressure on myself to make sure not to let them down. I was proud of being so "perfect." In retrospect, it feels like I couldn't have been MORE perfect had I been sent from on-high to be the posterchild for this kind of dangerous obedience. Not only had I completely bought in to the system by which value and "excellence" were recognized in these schools; I had actually internalized them, making no distinction between my performance in school (and the recognition of my performance) and my own sense of self-worth. It's funny, my parents knew they never had to pressure me to do well because I'd put myself through far more mental punishment than they could ever impose on me externally, were I to fail to be "at the top" for some reason or another...

I continued to get straight A's through the first 9-week period of 8th grade. By the last 9-week period of that same year, I had two F's, a D, and a C on my report card.

Second Experience: Fast-forward to my senior year of high school. After a prolonged and difficult period of what you might call rebellion--beginning with that nose-dive in 8th grade and smoothing out towards the end of my junior year--I had settled into a routine where I took the hard classes with my "smart friends" and contented myself with B's for the most part, maybe a stray C here or there. I think I just stopped doing my homework for a few years and let test scores carry my grades...anyway, I wasn't making my parents quite so mad by this point.

Then came my mom's request that I apply for National Honor Society. I protested, having no interest in the organization and knowing that I had what I needed in order to be accepted to my school of choice (Appalachian State University, woooooooooo). I didn't argue for too long, though. By this point she knew to say, "Just do it for me, okay?" and I had learned that sometimes it's far better to just do it for your mom than to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Rebellion on principle concedes to choosing one's battles, I suppose.

I decided I'd write the application essay and request admission to the hallowed ranks of the National Honor Society, but that I'd do it on my own terms. My application essay was basically a full-blown critique of the NHS and its stated purpose and values (they honored "character," "scholarship," "service," and something else I can't remember). Remembering myself in elementary school, I wrote about how rather unexceptional most of my friends in the NHS truly were. I think I even blamed the NHS for promoting mediocrity ;x I showed it to my parents and they shook their heads, although they couldn't deny that I had applied for the NHS.

In response to my essay, the teachers in charge of the NHS at my school called together several meetings of my present and former teachers in order to discuss and evaluate my psychological well-being and whether or not I was a threat to anyone, myself included. Once again proud of myself--though for reasons quite different from those of 5th grade--I chuckled at their suspicion even as I strained to convince them of the value of my criticisms and urged them to truly consider what I had said. They tried to deny me based on a technicality that my mom spotted, we argued briefly with the school, and eventually I was admitted. Viva la revolution!
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Please pardon the lengthy personal stories. I wanted to share them because, as I said, I think they raise some very interesting questions about obedience, teachers as "agents," the hidden curriculum, etc. My main question is this: what in the world accounts for the change I went through? I've never been able to identify it clearly. Moreover, what accounts for the fact that some people--in school as well as in larger society--discover their capacity for disobedience, while others never do? If we can figure out why some people think and act critically, maybe we can develop a way to teach it to those who don't. It doesn't need to be stated that the ability to appropriately deny authority is crucial to our social/political health, perhaps to our very existence.

Thoughts, responses? I'm interested in your perspectives on these questions. Also in other stories this makes you think of.

-Doug

Well, Doug, I thought I might bump this up a bit, and see if we can get people to reflect on the issues raised in your post. (Personal stories, however long, are important, and most welcome.)

You wrote:



Why did the teachers in question feel so threatened? (It would seem that your ability to critique should be the stuff of which an honor society is made.)

Does anyone have any ideas about this, or the other questions Doug raised? I.e.,

Doug you crack me up - I can't decided if I would have hated you in high school or thought you were awsome lol. I really think that it took guts to call out NHS. My junior year I was first in class and so joining NHS just seemed like something I could do to have another thing on my resume for college. I knew it would be a breeze to get in because all of my teachers were asking me to join anyway. Once in I realized it was the dumbest organization in the school. We never did anything and I thought it was interesting that we had requirements to meet and even though I never did any of them I was never questioned. Obviously I wasn't one of those over the top A-type valedictorians... I was more like the doing my homework in the class before its due-didnt even know I was up for the award type.

Similar to your story about teachers panicking - I remember when it came time to write the famous speechs that valedictorians and salutatorians give at graduation. (At this point I had dropped to second place by .002). The girl who had overtaken me was....how do I put this... a complete jerk who hated everyone (especially me) and wanted nothing more than to graduate first in class and shove it in everyones face. So when our principal previewed our speechs he panicked and actually called her mother to tell her to at least tone the hatred down a little. The principal asked me to make sure that I had a little "sunshine" in mine to balance everything out. I was under pressure at this point because my opinions of high school were not far from the other girls anyway. (I just didnt hate EVERYONE). I had to find a topic that would let me say what I wanted AND I had to give it a flare that would let my principal sleep at night. I didn't mind too much because I ended up finding exactly what made me proud to say. Going against tradition I actually was slotted to give my speech AFTER the valedictorian (I assume so people would recover) and as I walked away the principal shook my hand, leaned in and whispered a grateful remark. For months afterwards people would hear that I was one of the speech givers at the Hopewell graduation and before saying anything they would narrow their eyes and go "wait... WHICH speaker were you?"
I would laugh at that but inwardly I always thought how interesting it was that both the Valedictorian and I gave unconventional speechs and people reacted to each with surprise (particularly hers) simply because we didn't spit out the usual "I'm going to miss you all and these were the best days of our lives" nonesense. [/b][/i]

I share a few similar experiences to you two as well. In elementary school and most of middle school I was an A student, usually a teacher's favorite (not really a teachers pet, more just because I never misbehaved). I can't necessarily speak for you Doug, but I believe the reason I started slacking off towards the end of eight grade and into high school was because of peer pressure. Like you mentioned in another topic, the "cool" factor had set in. It was no longer cool to be a good student like it was in elementary school and you were ridiculed if you raised your hand and answered a question correctly in class.

I can't blame it all on other people though of course. My friends would want me to hang out and stuff at night while I was still doing homework so I started doing it the next day in class instead. I usually got my homework done but my grades slipped a little. I became more of a B student with a few A's here and there. I would not really call this a form of disobedience at all. In fact I think it just another form of obedience. In one sense if I had gone against the "cool" factor and still worked hard and was an A student, would I not have been disobedient to one group of people while being obedient to another. This makes you think (I know it doesn't apply to all situations but to ones like this) can you even apply the label of being obedient or disobedient or is it on a completely different level?

I also had a similar experience with NHS. My mom always wanted me to do it (since Sophomore in High School). I knew that it was pointless and they didn't ever do anything of importance. So I would always pretend not to hear about when the application dates were. My mom would get angry but get over it within a few days. My senior year, she tried to interfere. So I had to tell her the truth, that I didn't want to do it. She was angry with me for a few weeks but she forgot about it after awhile. I would say that I was being disobedient in this situation.[/quote]