I picked up my new Time magazine this morning and noticed a title that caught my eye: The Case for Staying Home. It stated that the proportion of working married mothers with children under the age of 3 dropped from 61% in 1997 to 58% in 2002. I see this as still a lot of mothers still in the workplace. The part that really caught my eye was about why these women must work. The article pointed out that since the mid 1970's the mortgage rate had increased a whopping 69% At the same time, the average father's income increased less than 1%. We can clearly see that it is no longer possible to support a middle-class family on Dad's income alone. I can relate to this because we lived on my husband's salary for 2 years when I had Colston and yes we made ends meet, but we did without some things. It was well worth it!!!!!! I enjoyed every minute at home. The article mentioned that preschool programs averaged $5,000 a year, which is more than a year's tuition at a state unitversity. WOW!!!!!! Some mothers are able to scimp and save but most decide that the cost is just too high. The choice of whether to stay at home is no choice at all. Any feelings or comments?

Dawn,
I understand completely. I have delayed my decision to have children for this very reason. I think that a stay at home mom is the very best, but I will be unable to stay at home. My husband, although he is educated, makes less than I do per year. If we had to live off his income with a child, we would be at the poverty level. This raises the question in my marriage, do we have children and put them in daycare (I have no family in this area)? Or do we think about a "stay-at home dad"? We are not planning to have children until we can answer some of these questions. It sad that in today's workforce that many families are forced to put work first.

I can only guess that this topic has come up for a variety of reasons. The scary event with Lisa in class last night had every mother's stomach in a knot. The article we've read for Considine concerning brain research is fasinating. And now Dawn has pointed out even more evidence about how our world/life is diffeerent from our grandmother's.
I stayed home after having Kirby for her first three years. Then I went back to work part time until I felt that she was in good hands at her day care. Like Dawn, I have never regretted that decision. My daughter is a strong reader, enjoys school, is basically happy and seems to be well adjusted and secure. Now obviously she got some good genes from her mom( Just kidding), but I firmly believe that my choices made positive marks on her early life. Did I make some boo-boos? Probably. But again, I think being at home and making sacrifices paid off in the long run.

Well folks,
I have no choice in the matter of staying home. Although my husband and I talked of having kids, this one is a surprise. We would have like to have waited a little longer. After reading the Jensen chapters on brain development I wish I could stay at home with my baby. That will not be the case for me. I just hope that I can find someone that I can trust, instead of a daycare.

The decision to stay at home with small children or work to just pay for child care. This is a very difficult and an alarming decision. When I first started college in 1984, I had three small children ages 5, 3, and 1. A child care center was not a choice because the area did not have any child care centers. HeadStart was the only preschool program. I was blessed, my mother kept my small children while I attended college. My mother, husband, and sisters really encouraged and supported me. Sometimes, a mother does not have the choice of daycare. Especially when ones wages are less than daycare costs.

I am in the same boat with Heather and Shelly. Although I am not married or pregnant, I am getting married and would like to have a family in the near future. Ben and I have talked about this many times, and it would not be possible for me to stay at home even though I would love to be able to. It is a hard decision to make, but with prices on almost everything going up there just about has to be two working parents to support a family.

I am not sure that this is the appropriate place to ask, but please keep me in your prayers. thanks

I must say that I am very torn on this topic. Eddie and I have talked a little about having kids and we both want to wait a while (maybe around age 30). Especially after reading Jensen I really want to stay home that first year to make sure my child's brain is developed as much as I can make it. Hopefully this will make their experiences in school easier. But I don't think staying home would be an option for me. During summer vacation I get extremely stir-crazy. I can't stand it. I have always worked since 16 and a lot of this time I had 2-3 jobs at a time and it has never really been for the money. I just don't think I will be the type who can stay home and enjoy myself. I do have the benefit of knowing that as long as health is not an issue, my mom plans to retire and keep my kids. Does this make me a bad future mother for not wanting to stay home???? Or will it possibly teach my children more independence??

One of my friends is in the same boat. He and his wife have two small children (4 and 5mths.) at home and they have decided that she needs to stay at home with them. Needless to say, they are living on his salary alone and we know as a teacher, that's not a whole lot of money.

He's been trying to find part-time work, but nothing is turning up. They are making ends meet with the help of parents, but the money situation is tight. They can't do what a lot of families are able to do, such as go out and eat, maybe see a movie, etc...

Now that our county has adopted this 10 month salary and will no longer offer 12 month pay checks beginning in August , he is really fretting over the money. They do offer a summer cash program, but we all know how difficult it will be to set aside the money to carry us through the summer.

By the way, if your county hasn't eliminated the 12 month paycheck, it's coming. We were told it is a state wide decision.

Getting back to the original topic, it is sad that you have to give up a lot of life's little pleasures so that mom can be a stay at home mom.

I am like so many other women who had to back to work after having each of my kids. After my first one was born, the school called me and I had to go back after 4 weeks because the substitute couldn't handle my class. I got to spend about 6 months with my second child before going back to work. In answer to Jill's response, yes you feel guilty for leaving them. But, I feel that my children know that I am trying to provide a better life for them with some of their wants by me working. The time that I spend with them I try to make special. I feel like that my children have the advantage because when they are out of school then I am always with them while some of our parents see a more hectic schedule.
I also agree with many of you in that it is a shame that we no longer feel that we have a choice in working or staying at home.

My mom stayed home with me and the memories I have of our time together are implanted in my heart. She played with me and read to me. She did this while giving me 100% of her attention. When it was time to start kindergarten, she even put me in a half day program so I could still be with her part of the day. Talk about feeling guilty that I could not give my own daughter the same wonderful memories! And I still feel guilty every time I leave her to come to class. Even now there I times when I can't give her all of my attention because there are bills to be payed, papers to grade, phone calls to make, clothes to wash, and work for school to do. I did have her in April and spent until the next school year with her, but it's not the same as the experience I had. We needed both incomes in order to afford the home we had just bought at the time and my husband was just beginning his career (he had just recently got out of the navy at the time). But here I am in graduate school trying to better myself at my families expense. I feel so guilty sometimes. Does anyone else feel this way? Think about the children in our classrooms that go to before school, attend school, then go to afterschool before being picked up at 6:00. At least my daughter does attend the same school where I teach.

I was and still a working mom. I had to work when my children were small. Yes, I hated leaving them of the mornings. When I returned in the afternoons I was ready to spend time with my boys. Everything was put on the back burner until after their bedtime. You can be a working mom and still spend quality time with your children. Being a teacher I have the summer and workdays to spend with them.


Maria Caldwell

Aaron and I are awlays discussing our plans for the future. Both of us agree that we would like to keep our kids out of daycare. Like Jill I am not sure how I would handle staying home all the tiime. I have always worked and love my job. I don't think we will really know what to do until we are put in the situation of having to decide.

My mom was finally able to stay home when my brother (the youngest of us) was born. It was her last shot at staying home, and we all enjoyed it. While she would not trade these years for anything, she is paying the price now. While many people her age are ready for retirement, she still needs to work for a few more years. She would love to keep my niece, but right now it just isn't an option. But it is ok, she devotes much of her time off to my niece. But I guess there is always a trade-off somewhere.

I don't have children yet either but I would love to stay home with them when I do. I am not sure that my husband's income could support us and the lifestyle we have but I would love to give it a try! My mom did not get to stay home with me but I stayed with my grandmother everyday. Talk about spoiled!!! Oh well, that is OK. I still turned out to be some-what of a good person (ha!). Anyway, like Bridget said, I guess you never know until you are put in the situation. I do feel like a child could be so much better prepared for school if they stay home with someone who works with them. I worked at a daycare while in college and that sure did scare me away from ever leaving my child in one.

Shannon